So Tired
by iheartflashpoint
Summary: "Takes seeing it almost every day to find a way to explain it to yourself when it happens to you." Olivia talks with Sarah; follows immediately after "True Believers"; One-shot


_A/N- Ah, moving into another fandom—big step from the little world I usually write in. _

_This one-shot is set immediately after "True Believers" (Season 13, Episode 6) —I just happened to watch the episode again last night and it fell into place after that. Hope everyone likes it! _

"I feel bad, I feel like I failed her." Her head hung low as she pulled her things from her locker and turned to face Nick. Following the court case verdict, Olivia had returned to the station to finish up paperwork before heading back to her empty apartment. "Just the look on her face was enough to scare me into believing he'd come after her."

"There's a restraining order against him—she'll be okay." Amaro's voice kept positive as he watched his partner collect her bag. The tension between them had died down a tad, but a void was still there of the trust between two partners.

Throwing her bag over her shoulder, Olivia sighed, "And since when has a restraining order kept a criminal from repeating a crime? He missed the cell once, he may think he can do it again."

"She's safe, Liv, she'll be okay." He repeated once more, watching Olivia leave the squad room and head towards the elevators to go home.

Lying on her couch, she stared at the red digital numbers on the clock watching the time change from 7:59 to 8:00. Sleep wasn't going to come easy and the most appealing thing at the moment would be to down a bottle just as she would pick up the next one. Its days like these that she misses Elliot most—missing his support, his extra bit of fatherly touch to every case—things weren't the same, they never would be.

Her phone vibrated along the coffee table, the screen lighting up the dark living room and a flickering ring blaring into the silence.

"Benson." She said professionally, sitting up as she pressed the phone to her ear.

There was a sigh on the other end of the phone line, _"Hey Olivia, its Sarah—." _She paused suddenly.

"Sarah, is everything okay?" Her hand immediately strung through her hair, pulling the curls away from her face as she stood up and walked towards her kitchen counter.

"_Yeah, I'm fine. I just—I wanted to tell you how sorry I am." _She sighed once more, _"I was a jerk earlier, you did everything you could for me and I repaid you like that."_

"No Sarah, you have no reason to apologize—today was a rough day." Leaning against her counter, she rustled with a few envelopes she'd thrown to the side, taking the second to toss them away before returning to her relaxed stance. "I should be apologizing to you for what I put you through."

"_You taught me to fight for myself, and you taught me that everyone needs help every now and then." _She paused and breathed slowly, _"Listen, I just—." _

"I know you didn't just call me to apologize."

"_You're such a detective." _Her voice lightened up and for once she felt safe, _"I was wondering if you'd meet me at the bar near 137__th__ and Broadway, I just—I want to talk." _

Olivia let out a laugh, "You're only nineteen."

"_Please?" _She felt bad asking her to meet up with her after such a stressful day, but the one thing she needed after everything was someone who knew where she was coming from.

"You know what—I'll be there in fifteen." How she was letting a teenager meet her at a deserted alley bar to talk her feelings out—she'd never know, but she knew if her phone rang with someone actually _asking_ to talk about their situation—she would take up the opportunity.

The neighborhood is rough, definitely not the best fit for a teenage girl—but its where Sarah wanted to call home to pursue her passion of music. Olivia dropped her foot out of the taxi, stepping to the sidewalk and heading inside the dingy bar—not exactly where the greatest of all people hung out.

"Olivia, over here." Sarah's voice came from the bar. Thankfully she hadn't ordered anything to drink, and the empty bar was filled by only the two bartenders—one who had resulted to sitting in the corner with his phone while the other wiped tables—and a middle-aged man who minded his own business at the other end of the bar while sipping a bottle of beer.

She sighed and smiled, walking towards her before Sarah stood from her barstool and hugged her tightly. "Thank you—for everything."

"You're welcome." Her smile widened as she moved to sit down next to her, sliding her wallet to her lap as the bartender made his way over to them. "Just a beer—whatever you've got."

Sarah glanced at him and pulled out her fake ID, "I'll have—."

"She'll have a water." Olivia's eyebrow rose as she moved her hand over to Sarah's and slid the card from her fingers.

Sarah sighed and smirked at the bartender, "Guess I shouldn't invite a cop to a bar to talk."

"In a year or so—you should be good." Olivia laughed, handing the card back to her, "Just don't get yourself in trouble—you know that."

She nodded and grasped her hand around the glass of water as Olivia took a sip of her beer. "I'm sorry for calling you after such a long day."

"I needed to get out of that place anyways, plus I needed a drink." She smiled and placed her bottle back on the counter, "So you wanna talk?"

She nodded and shrugged, "I went back to living at my own apartment. I told my parents if I didn't sleep there alone tonight, I'd never want to go back."

"That's really brave of you." Olivia sighed and turned to face her, "You're a really strong girl, you're stronger than I was."

Sarah's eyes closed and she pressed her lips together, "I'm really sorry about that. If I had known you were—I just—now I know why you were so adamant about the truth and why every detail was so important. You know what its like."

"Not as much as you though." Her voice fell to a whisper, "I was—When I was undercover at a women's prison—," She paused as images flashed into her mind, "One of the guards sexually assaulted me."

"You were violated—so essentially you were in the same position I was."

She shrugged and took another sip of her beer, "It changes you as a person—but you can move on from it."

"That's what I'm most worried about." Her voice trembled, "My boyfriend broke up with me because I took that one guy home. People know—People hear about these things—And right now my parents, my ex-boyfriend, everyone in that courtroom—they think I'm trash. Everyone comes off as supportive but in the end, they all see the security footage of the little white girl in the rough neighborhood taking home random guys from a bar."

"I don't see you as trash—I see you as a victim of a crime. All of your control was ripped away from you that afternoon. I'm a cop and the same type of thing happened to me. This doesn't make you any different of a person than who you really are, it simply makes the rapist a dirtier person than he already is."

"Now if only my parents were able to say things like that." She sighed then smiled, thanking Olivia with her relaxed expression alone.

She shrugged, "Takes seeing it almost every day to find a way to explain it to yourself when it happens to you." Sliding the empty bottle to the edge of the counter, she pulled her hand to her knee and crossed one knee over the other, "It takes a lot of courage to talk to someone about it—something I didn't have for a while"

Her eyebrows knitted together and she tilted her head to the side, "You didn't tell anyone?"

"The only person who knew immediately was one of the detectives I work with who was undercover with me. He's the one who saved me from being raped. I waited for what felt like forever to talk to a therapist—I was ashamed."

"Did that lawyer today understand the shame he threw at me?"

She nodded and leaned over to pull her into a hug, "The courtroom is behind you, don't let anything he said have an effect on who you are."

Sarah stood up as Olivia paid and then wrapped an arm over her shoulder, "Let's get you home, it's been a long day."

"You don't have to—." Sarah began to protest until Olivia's glare caught her and she simply nodded and followed her to the cab that pulled to the curb.

The ride down the street to Sarah's apartment building was silent, almost as silent as the elevator ride that had them both glancing up at the security camera unknowingly.

"You gonna be okay?" Olivia said softly, placing a hand on Sarah's shoulder as they reached the door to her apartment.

She nodded, looking up at her with a smile, "Yeah, thanks for everything, again."

"You're tough, now just be safe—you call me if you need anything or even just need someone to talk to, okay? My phone is always on." Olivia watched as she nodded in thanks once more and turned to her door and opened it. She waited for the click of the lock before heading to the elevator and back down to the ground level to catch another cab home.

The red-lit numbers flashed 12:00 as she pulled the soft fleece blanket closer to her and threw the book she'd read about three pages before giving up on to the foot of the couch. Leaning over once more and tapping the screen of her phone, the checked the volume for a gentle but hearable level, then eased it back onto the table. With that, she kicked her feet over one another and let her head fall to the bolster of the couch arm before dozing off without even making it to bed.

Another day, another life changed—But man, was she tired.

_A/N- Tossed in the "tired" thing Olivia mentioned at the end of the episode. Hope everyone liked it! Don't forget to review!_


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